Apple Watch with ECG function is the best watch for my dad.

I am trying to improve my English by writing a diary or an essay. After I write it, I have my English teacher online checked it. Below is my original article and you can see modified version after the lesson.

My original essay before a lesson

I watched Apple event on YouTube last week. I was glad to be able to understand the presentation except detailed explanation like a processor or a CPU. I know it was an easy presentation so they gave it as we I could understand it easilycleary.

I was not interested in smart watches because I prefer mechanical watches. The point I’m interested in Apple watch now is  with its new feature, the ECG function. So, I want it not for me but for my dad, he started using an iPhone about a year ago. Actually, he has a heart disease so I believe Apple Watch with ECG is suitable for him.

In my view, Apple Watch is popular especially for young people who like new gadgets.

But, in fact, the watch people around me wear is people around me are in their middle ages like to use Apple Watch. In other words, people either wear Apple Watch or no watch at all people don’t wear a wrist watch.

Honestly, I don’t think younger people need ECG function. But because this function is needed more suitable for elderly people, I mean, it’s more applicable for parents of younger people who use Apple Watches. I guess there are many people like me, thinking that “Apple Watch is good for my parents!” I suppose Apple is trying to get senior users too. They’re plan on going to get not only the young generation wrist but also the elderly wrist.

I`m a little bit  worried if my dad can “watch” see the screen of watch or touch it the watch because the screen is small. There are bunch of rules for health care devices in Japan. ECG function can’t be used right now. But they got an approvedal as an ECG device this month. I hope this function can be available soon. Then, I’ll think about buying it as a present for my dad.

(I deleted  some words and added some.)

The essay after a lesson

I watched an Apple event on YouTube last week. I was glad to be able to understand the presentation in English except the detailed explanation about processor or CPU. It was an easy presentation so that I could understand it clearly.

I was not interested in smart watches at all because I prefer mechanical watches.  I’m interested with its new feature, the ECG function. So, I want it not for me, but for my dad. My dad started using an iPhone about a year ago. Actually, he has a heart disease, so I believe Apple Watch with ECG is suitable for him.

In my view, Apple Watch is popular especially for young people who like new gadgets.

But, in fact, people around me are in their middle ages like to use Apple Watch, too. In other words, people either wear Apple Watch or no watch at all.

Honestly, I don’t think younger people need ECG function because this function is more suitable for elderly people. I mean, it’s more applicable for parents of younger people who use Apple Watches. I guess there are many people like me, (who thinks that) thinking that “Apple Watch is the best watch for my parents!” I suppose Apple is trying to get senior users too. They plan on going to get not only the younger generation wrist but also the elderly wrist.

I`m a little bit worried if my dad can see the screen or touch it because the screen is small. There are bunch of rules for health care devices in Japan. So, ECG function can’t be used right now. But they got an approval as an ECG device this month. I hope this function can be available soon. Then, I’ll think about buying it as a present for my dad.